Delilah's Song

I've been studying, meditating, and writing a lot about Judges 16 lately. It's the story of Samson, a judge/deliverer/champion of Israel, who, like so many, loses his sense of mission because of his libido. All because of Delilah. The temptress. The wanton woman. The one motivated by greed. A stranger to love and honesty.

The more I hang out with Delilah and Samson, though, the more I see myself in her. Seeing a powerful man who's vulnerable to her, calculating how I can use my words and my charms to get my way. Not so much because I want to put an end to my nation's enemy, but because I want to 1) be right, 2) hide my own insecurity, 3) satisfy a warped sense of self-esteem, or especially, 4) make sure I'm in control so that I never experience pain from a man again.

I can't demonize Delilah anymore, because only the grace of God and the guidance and counsel of His word and His Holy Spirit keep me from reverting to Eve-like selfish influence (that is, when I listen to the Holy Spirit).

I wrote a song for Delilah - and for all of us who share her hurt, and tend towards her coping mechanism; manipulation. I'd like to share it with you:

Delilah’s Song by Sharifa Stevens
“I’ll never let go of you” he said
sincerely spoken between kisses
the truth as my heart reminisces
lies and love can be so close
I gave all I should and some I shouldn’t
Knowing that happily ever after
Joys and secrets, whispers, laughter
Would be mine for all time

But his love was not enough
To cover me
And the cold is seeping in
My heart is breaking
His love was not enough
To keep me safe and now I understand
no
one
can.

“I’ll never get hurt again” I swore
caress their egos, bide my time
fill them up with lust’s sweet wine
till they’re begging for more
What they don’t know is
I find pleasure
In defiling what they treasure
The first man stole my soul
There’s nothing left to control

Because his love was not enough
To cover me
And the cold has set in deep
My heart is frozen
His love was not enough
To keep me safe and now I understand
no
one
can.

So can’t you see
By the time he came to me
To rest his head upon my knees
I knew what I should do
Stroke his hair and whisper lies
Lay his head upon my thighs
Get that money, that’s the prize
Break one more man that I despise

Dignity gone but a little richer
Too blind to see the bigger picture
The reality that’s hurting me
When I cut them I feel pain
The hole in my heart keeps getting bigger
There’s more than just this killer figure
Someone told me life can be better
living for Christ is where you truly gain

They said His love is enough
To cover you
With the clothes of dignity
And love that’s pure
His love is enough
To cover you like
No
Man
Can
They said His love is enough
To cover you
See your worth was lost
But oh, he found it
His love is enough
To come for you and
No one can…
Take you from His hand.

TiVo for Life

TiVo changes things, doesn't it?

My friend Rhea and I watched Top Chef episodes over breakfast this past weekend. I don't have cable, so I'm not sure when it actually airs, but I relish the creative cuisine and competition inherent in the show. They can make a gourmet meal out of absolutely anything!

We watched, and then a particularly troublesome ad came on - you know the Prius one where the landscape is made out of gyrating people? Creepy! - and Rhea immediately pressed the fast forward button and boop! it was gone. Back to our show, already in progress.

Cut to the good part.
Fast-forward the unsavory, unnecessary, mundane.
Get to the resolution.

If only our lives had TiVo, right? Skip the waiting, the grief, the broken heart, the disappointment; get to the resolution.

John 11 paints a different picture; a meaning to the pauses - commercial breaks, if you will - in our lives.

If you're not familiar with John 11, it's a passage where Jesus hears that his dear friend Lazarus, brother to Mary and Martha, whom Jesus also loved, is terminally ill. Jesus' response to the news is seemingly counter-intuitive.
I know it left me scratching my head. Here's the passage of John 11:3-6:

So the sisters sent a message to Jesus, “Lord, look, the one you love is sick.”
When Jesus heard this, he said, “This sickness will not lead to death, but to God’s glory, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.”
(Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.)
So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he remained in the place where he was for two more days.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. When Jesus, the Healer, hears that Lazarus is sick, he stays put. He says the sickness doesn't end in death, but God's glory.

In the eyes of Mary and Martha, however, the pause between the time they send for Jesus and the time He actually arrives tells a different story. By the time Jesus comes, Lazarus has been in the grave for four days.

Have you ever prayed, pleaded, called out to and cried to the Lord, and felt like your prayers were greeted with silence?
Can you relate to Mary and Martha's understandable confusion that their dear friend came too late. They both said "if you had been here, my brother would not have died."
I know I can fill in the blank: "if you had been here, my father would not have cancer." "If you had been here, I wouldn't be laid-off." "If you had been here, he wouldn't have left me."

What did Lazarus do to deserve this kind of neglect from the Savior? What had Mary and Martha done to be seemingly ignored by Jesus? Nothing.
Jesus' response is troubling. Troubling, until we see the pattern of God's use of pause for His glory. Here are a few examples:

In Genesis 2:18-20, before the Fall, Adam is naming animals and noticing that there are none that are quite like him. He lives with this tension, even as God knew and thought to himself, "it is not good for man to be alone."
God used the pause between Adam's discomfort and his introduction to Eve to alert Adam to his need so that by the time Eve came, he truly appreciated her.

In 1 Samuel 1, Hannah was surrounded by reasons to be depressed. She had a co-wife (which is pause enough for me!), Penninah, who was a baby factory, while Hannah remained childless. She had a husband, Elkanah, who didn't get her. (You can see my previous post on why I appreciate Hannah's response. She really understands the pause!)
Her priest didn't even get her. But the Lord had a plan to bring His prophet Samuel into the world, through Hannah. And perhaps because she understood supplication and spent so much time in the temple with her earnest prayer, Samuel was better suited to hear the voice of Yahweh.

The people of Israel had 400 years of pause, between the last prophet, Malachi, and the coming of John the Baptist, the herald of Jesus Christ. 400 years of silence. Those silent generations must have looked back on their history and thought of the years of slavery their Israelite forbears spent, languishing, living and dying, until Moses came to emancipate them from Pharaoh’s rule.
But when Jesus came, he set captives free in soul as well as body. His was a pause worth waiting for.

Jesus experienced a pause. Sweating blood and water, He pleaded that the crucifixion would be a price He would not have to pay. But it was the only way. And for three silent days after Jesus was hung on a cross, killed, and buried, His body lay in a tomb.
But there was more in store than the tomb, or all the power of hell, could hold. And Jesus was resurrected, Conqueror of Death. His death gave all who believe in Him life.

The time between Christ's resurrection and His return is the Great Pause. We're left here, in a world that's rife with pain, disappointment, and hurt, waiting for Him to save the day. But I am thankful that this Great Pause persists, because there is more time for people to know Jesus and worship in spirit and truth. His pause is merciful.

The pauses are not necessarily God's judgment, or His indifference. Could it be that His pause in your life is an act of mercy? A way to give you room to grow?

The hard question to ask during a time of silent pause and no "Life TiVo" in sight is: “Lord, how can this time glorify You? Can you give me eyes to see past this point to Your glory and will?” In John 11, the glory came! Jesus raised Lazarus, as a sign of His power and authority, and a metaphor for His impending death and resurrection. This circumstance clicked profoundly in Mary’s mind, and moved her to worship and prepare for Jesus’s death in John 12 (before Jesus’ own disciples understood what was to come, Mary got it. If it weren’t for the pause, Mary would not understand what Jesus’ mission was).

I challenge you not to try to fast-forward through the pauses, but to ask the Lord to guide you through them, and give you a divine perception of their meaning.